Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Fake it til you

Self advocacy, self awareness, humility, drive, work, work, work, work when you're tired. That's the means to an end, the goal, the dream, success, everything you've ever wanted. The end is no end though, it is an unending series of triumphs and setbacks that lead to goals, but does it ever end? Not for people like me. People like me, either work and work and work forever or lose their spark and burn away, depressed and defeated.

Or who knows, maybe the drive lessons some day. Maybe you can become satisfied at some point, rest on your laurels, or just relax once in a while without the gnawing at the back of the mind. Maybe there is an alternative to the ceaseless clockwork grind towards the unknown, dancing on a tightrope over a void teeming with the howling devils of willful self destruction. Maybe one day I'll calm down and embrace how reality is now, maybe it will even feel nice.

For now though, I just want to be able to make myself do what needs to be done to look at myself in the mirror and smile proudly. Fucking hell. Keep on.

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