2014 Redux

Two weeks until the first event of Empire tryouts. I'm doing almost everything I can to play at my best, but I need to step it up and go the extra mile. Winning takes lots and lots of work. I've never won much. This might be the year. I'm working for it.

This past year, I got better at juggling job work, ultimate work and art work, producing increasingly well at all three at once, and am continuing to build on that. To make Empire, I'm going to have to be all about ultimate for a while, without lapsing in my practice of art or my job performance. Right on. Life has conditions, accept them and work or complain about them and fail. Its not simple. Pithy advice and inspirational quotes fall short because practice of positive life goals is easy to reduce to witty one liners about inspiration that actually make you feel worse about all the work you have to do, every day, to achieve real results. Its all about practice.

It is easy to write about the struggle to get better at ultimate but my physical game's improvement is contingent upon strengthening my mental health, and that's harder to write about. I started seeing a psychiatrist again, a good one this time. That's helped a lot. Finding medication that is helping me feel better has been a blessing. My initial experience with various kinds of medication was so horrible that it took me a year to try again. This time its working, and I can focus better, train better. I can make plays now I could not have made even at my best in college. I have a competitive drive now that is focused. I want to win.

Bring on 2015.
Big ups to the blog friends.

Got to throw outside last night, barely anyone came to pickup due to the new winter league starting but we got some mini in at McCarren. I figured out why my short backhands got bad, been throwing them really close to the body with all wrist. Really easy to mess a throw like that up, and I had a few at turkey bowl that just got blown away too high. So I practiced for about a half hour working on really stepping out and using arm length. Throws seemed to improve, but if I want to be seriously competitive I need to devote more time to throwing in general, at least once a week. My forehand is huge. Hucks on both sides looked good but without a mark its hard to tell, really. In mini I was able to get any throw off I wanted, but again hard to tell. No one was marking too hard. Still, fun to get out there. I made some plays that indicate my workout routine is paying off.

I love the name ultimate Frisbee. I don't like ultimate, or flatball. They lack something, strive to be something they are not - respectively, simple and legitimate. Both fall short. Ultimate Frisbee is the perfect name for the perfect sport for our reality. The name is schlocky and appropriative, like a loud tv commercial. It flows, it is in your face. It is a little silly, but all sport names are silly. They have been made serious by time, only. Football. Hockey. Think about it.

Ultimate is art. Throwing is calligraphic, catching is punctuation. Cutting is a dance - an ugly one mostly. Its a little rough. Sharp angles, unintentional collisions. Patterns that shift moment by moment, he best players are the ones who can recognize each for what it is, and be ready to shift into the next one, to dictate, to ride and control the flow of movement.

Speaking of movement, you know when you lie down after a long day driving or roller-skating and you still feel like you're moving? I'm feeling that. Probably means that its time to stop watching comedy on youtube and go to bed. Good chat ya'll.

What More Can I Say (southside remix)

Here's the thing. Nothing changes in without massive effort. That is for sure. And it is daunting to note how little our daily actions, tough and meaningful as they may seem, can alter the flow of the river of life, or whatever.

I was thinking about this kind of thing last night, could not sleep at all. Finished a pretty wild novel (The Wind Up Bird Chronicle, a for-sure headtrip) and it left me reeling and lacking the sandman's gift. Ended up watching the Toronto Rush home opener on youtube (check out the 37:00 mark to see captain Gabe fall over for no visible reason. Love you Gabe). At one point, they cut to a shot of a young Rush fan, waving his arms in the air and screaming at the camera, rocking an oversized jersey.

We were not even that young when we played pickup in Carmel, and had to deal with an indifferent faculty and a certain subgroup of our peers who felt the need to call us faggots on the regular just for chasing some plastic around now and then. We also dressed a bit weird, but like c'mon. One day I will write about it and spin it in such a way that it seems like a really melodramatic coming of age struggle, which it was, sometimes. That was probably the most adversity I have faced in my ultimate career. Its only gone up in terms of support from peers, school, work, etc. But we did our part to advance the sport, such as we could, and it was a little drop in the big bucket of our sport, our mantra, whatever, which is of course a small part of whatever else is going on on Earth at any given time.

And maybe that young kid, ten or twelve years old, goes to school in his Rush jersey every week and gets made fun of by his peers for caring so much about a sport they've never heard of. But he'll have the last laugh because down the line, our legitimacy is building, because of his and other drops in the bucket, its almost ready to tip and splash the unassuming populace a little, capture more hearts who have not, as yet, gone home with layout mud from head to foot, or stayed up all night watching their friends compete on ESPN, or been kicked off their high school football field for playing pickup without supervision from a faculty member.

Simple Things

On the way home from work, I had a very basic epiphany that sparked an idea for a blog post. What was it?

Maybe: how much Stonefish/Boomslang drama will there be this season, and will it make me feel like I am in college again?

No no, that was not it.

Oh yeah: dumb jokes aside, I was practicing pivots after closing up at work, and showing some of my coworkers how to throw a forehand. I've been helping coach a  brand new high school team this spring, and thus teaching a lot of basic forehand. And I guess its finally paid off in terms of my own game: tonight, I realized why my throws were so goddam bad last year.

Hah. They were, they really were. And I was not throwing enough outside of practice to realize exactly why.  I threw the least turnovers I ever have as a handler, but I struggled with hucks and forehand breaks (my goddam prior bread and butter). They were occasionally good, occasionally very bad, often mediocre at best. Mostly mediocre. And the reason why is that while I have become more learned in how to throw properly brain wise, my muscles have forgotten the goddam basics.

My muscle memory has never had a great shelf life. It used to drive me nuts in high school when we'd stop throwing for winter (other than sophomore year, when we literally threw every day). I always threw outside until at least the end of november, and would get back by the end of February. I had a buddy who would quit before Halloween and come back in April, just as good as he had been, while my form would have suffered and have to be at least partially relearned.

So basically, when I pivot, I pivot into an outside in throwing position. If I thought about it and wound up, I could usually put something good together. But trying to huck off a quick pivot, and ya'll know I have an itchy trigger finger, often resulted in a big blady forehand or a backhand way out of bounds on the left side - my default pivot to either side yields an outside in throw probably 7 out of 10 times. I don't think enough while playing to correct that mid pivot.

This actually helped my backhand a little: I learned to break outside in, a really dirty and useful throw, as long as the wind is not behind you or too gusty. But other than that my throws are a lot worse than they could be. So I guess thank goodness I figured this out now. Its crucial for both my game and sanity to throw a lot in the upcoming weeks, and I need to practice with goddam intention and fix my goddam pivot.

Its really not a hard fix it just needs lots of reps, and I need to remember to use the off hand to drive the disc to the proper orientation on both sides. Without the off hand in play, pivoting while switching grip takes at least a half second longer. Maybe that's part of the problem, I stopped using my off hand to drive.

Throw throw throw throw throw, etc.

Much love, blog friends.

When Winter's Over

Officially cut from Empire. Not that I didn't expect it - I had to miss the first invite only tryout due to work, a minor concession to adulthood in the grand scheme of things. Being who I am, I strongly considered quitting my job. Thankfully, soberer heads (my head, the next morning) prevailed and I did not pull the trigger on that particular bit of brilliance.

That meant I had a lot of pressure to excel at the final invite only tryout. This pressure kind of welled up behind my eyeballs a little bit, and while I played better than I did at the open tryout, I did not give the kind of performance I needed to get a spot on the team. It would have really helped to play flawless ultimate, but between nerves and a gusty Hudson River wind I could not execute that. Catching tentatively is not a good sign. Gotta be aggressive. I wasn't.

On the upside, Spring is here and Stonefish tryouts are just around the corner. I'm very excited for this season. I've been doing a lot of thinking and planning, working to become a new kind of player, and leader. I feel ready. Just have to trust in the process. I had something for this - lots more words. But what's the point? I will say this, I am getting better at dividing my energy in a way that creates functionality rather than self opposition.

Oh but back to tryouts though, it was very windy and that punished my throws. I am releasing way too high, especially on forehands. And my pinpoint outside in backhand swing move is hurt by the wind as well. Basically I need to throw a lot, did not practice enough last season and the year prior to last season. On the upside, I understand throwing a lot better now, but that knowledge needs some thorough drilling to become game ready. There is a great article on ultiworld where Ben Wiggins talks about how much we take for granted that really great players drill basic throwing a LOT. I can make brilliant throws but not consistently. So: repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Radio Edit: made it back from tryouts just in time for the finals of winter league. We won, narrowly. Go Rebels!

Bats Bats Bats

Went to Empire tryouts on Sunday. The weather was absolutely gorgeous - fifty, with barely a flicker of breeze. However, the turf was covered in about an inch of snow that was both icy and slushy - painful to layout on, slippery to cut on.

The tryout was huge - someone said a hundred people, something in that ballpark. After a warmup and quick introduction from the owner and coaches, tryouts were split into four groups rotating through four stations - mini, agility and sprinting, and two drills. My group started out with a pretty standard cutting drill - cut for an under, throw it deep, cut deep for the next guy, then get in line to throw to the unders, repeat. The repeat part was tough, had a bit of asthma trouble but I did okay. The snow made this drill tricky. 

Next we went to mini, three on three on an absolutely tiny field. No margin for error, five second stalls. My team managed to win all of our games by virtue of always having a reset - other groups tried more elaborate cutting, and tended to get stuck and have to force something. We cut one at a time, it worked. A little bit of instant chemistry. This was the strongest point of the tryout for me. Only had one turnover, a handblock that I avenged later in the game. 

Our third station was sprinting and agility, where we were timed running forties and doing a basic agility drill. They did not give us our times, but I know I am faster than last season, which is encouraging. Squats are starting to pay off, need to do more. 

Due to time constraints, we did not get to do the fourth station, which is a shame as it looked like a pretty fun drill and I would have liked another shot in a drill situation after the inhaler kicked in and I could actually breathe. Should have puffed before the game. Thanks to Abe for lending me a puff during the first drill. It was great seeing you buddy, not sure if you read this.

To end the tryout, we scrimmaged full field in the snow (one endzone was shoveled before the idea of shoveling the entire field was abandoned). The scrimmage was games to three, with your tryout group being your team. There were a bunch of good players in my group, but we had no chemistry. The snow did not help, no team looked great, exactly. A couple people made big plays. I don't envy the job of cutting down the group for the next tournament after those conditions, although from what I hear it will be harder for the Rumble, who had tryouts the day before in 35 mph winds. 

I have no idea if I'll get a callback to the next round, but it was good to get out there. Gorgeous weather, and good motivation for the club season. Still getting the hang of throwing with friction gloves, but certain positives are emerging. Last night at winter league, I realized that with the increased grip it is easy to throw huge outside in backhands with perfect touch, great for just giving defenders absolutely no chance to make a play. Same goes for slightly outside in backhand breaks, my new favorite. Had more trouble with forehand hucks, which I am releasing way too high. In general, my forehand form is kinda rough right now, need to practice a lot so I always get low in the game. We played last night in a pretty consistent upwind downwind, and my upwind flicks were ugly.  

It was nice to play ultimate twice in one week. Been a while. Really missing club and excited for the upcoming season. Wore my Stonefish jersey to league and it felt real good.

UPDATE got a callback to the first invite only tryout. Needless to say, I am very excited.
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