Bummer Blog

The weight of time since last blogging have crushed every post I've tried to write since. Now I'm coming up short. I trained for a year to make a run at Empire and likewise, came up short. That was hard but still felt good, because I got feedback about how much I'd improved since last year's tryout. At least that's progress.

Unfortunately, real adult life intervened since then and forced me to drop out of the tryout process for Youngbloods. Can't get my work schedule adjusted and all their practices are Saturdays, which I am stuck working for the second summer in a row. Could not even go to the tryout tournament. It is looking like this will be my first summer in six years not playing club. That's weird. 

The irony is, I'm in the best shape of my life and have the best functional throws I've ever had too. I finally figured out how to throw forehand hucks again and my break throws are so sick right now, dude. But no club, and no summer league in Brooklyn this year. Mentally, my new challenge ultimate wise will be keeping up the fitness grind without the motivation of a club season, and setting up my life so that I'll be both fit and able to play next year. Next fucking year, that's a long time away. 

On the upside my art is going really well, that's my main priority anyway, but it still hurts losing the club season. If I had at least been able to finish the tryout process and gotten cut, I would have avoided the "what if" now hanging over my head. I thought I had a good shot. Oh well. On to the next one, like we used to sing in the southside days. 

I used to train halfheartedly and inconsistently, but now I workout every week and am trying to learn as much as I can, and train intelligently. I'm thinking of getting certified to become a personal trainer or functional strength coach. That would be a cool as hell job. Progress is the name of the game. 

Stay up, ya'll. 

2014 Redux

Two weeks until the first event of Empire tryouts. I'm doing almost everything I can to play at my best, but I need to step it up and go the extra mile. Winning takes lots and lots of work. I've never won much. This might be the year. I'm working for it.

This past year, I got better at juggling job work, ultimate work and art work, producing increasingly well at all three at once, and am continuing to build on that. To make Empire, I'm going to have to be all about ultimate for a while, without lapsing in my practice of art or my job performance. Right on. Life has conditions, accept them and work or complain about them and fail. Its not simple. Pithy advice and inspirational quotes fall short because practice of positive life goals is easy to reduce to witty one liners about inspiration that actually make you feel worse about all the work you have to do, every day, to achieve real results. Its all about practice.

It is easy to write about the struggle to get better at ultimate but my physical game's improvement is contingent upon strengthening my mental health, and that's harder to write about. I started seeing a psychiatrist again, a good one this time. That's helped a lot. Finding medication that is helping me feel better has been a blessing. My initial experience with various kinds of medication was so horrible that it took me a year to try again. This time its working, and I can focus better, train better. I can make plays now I could not have made even at my best in college. I have a competitive drive now that is focused. I want to win.

Bring on 2015.
Big ups to the blog friends.